time with Stewart is time well spent. We have an amazing time and he makes me pretty happy. Tomorrow we're going on a picnic, which according to matt is a cliche, but chute thing. This weekend we're most likely heading northward. If i get my way, I'll be keeping this one around for awhile.

on another note, it is costing one BILLION dollars to fix my breaks and some other nonesense. Which blows, because i am still not working. But I've been occupying myself.

So, if you want to make plans, call.

Quiet, reserved dom ISO aggressive boisterous sub.

There's a funny thing about finding the very bottom; up is the only way. And here I am, and up is where I'm going.

I'm also constantly amazed at the rhythm of my life and how uncanny timing can be. And why don't people ever say things are canny?

I've been hanging out with Stewart a lot. I enjoy his company a lot. We are "undefined," which is now the running joke. My mother has actually back off the calling me a hussey without actually saying it. I am getting used to the pets in his house.

so, Top 5 "I don't want to talk about" Stories:

5. Janine Fight #1.5
4. 7-10, 2005
3. March 3rd, 2006
2. Ben Wood.
1. Early Life.

You are now entering the scary door

Firstly, RIP a great series of entertaining men (and one vag. This is what happens when I peace out for a little while. I don't get the memo. And I shed a small tear.

Secondly, everyone breathe a sigh of relief. I'm over it. You know what that means. And if you don't, how did you get here to begin with? The final phase of over it was completed this afternoon. Everything is gone to a place where I can't get at it and nor would I want to.

Finally, I am going to dinner with Stu tomorrow. I'm so excited for asparagus chicken. I'm doing a little happy dance in my chair right now.

Top 5 ringers I want on my phone:

5. Road to nowhere
4. Playa's Anthem
3. This Way
2. The Workout Plan
1. The Tim Gunn Song

Runner up: Are you Drinking With me Jesus.

This is what alcoholics call a moment of clarity.

I drove west this afternoon. And considering the ridiculous bullshit I am putting myself through, I had a little chuckle. I was thinking about James Joyce, Dubliners in particular and the hours I spent reading that book with the map of Ye Olde Dublin to try and second guess whether or not the boy was going to have a fruitful experience (in most modern literature going west is a symbol of prosperity and new beginnings blah blah blah.)

I was also driving into the sunset, another image I treasure--mostly because of my tendency to permanently peace out at will. All circumstances in my overfilled brain, combined with the squinting from my light sensitivity and the afternoon sun and rediscovery of the songs Dixie Chicken and Long Long Time, sent me on one of those classic Erin, "I was thinking while I was in the car today" jags.

And here it is:

Nature, Nurture, experience, and History have combined to make me what I am--Fucked up. And there are a lot of people to thank for that. Too many to count or realize. And now I'm becoming something I hate and am trying desperately to change that path.

I swear I was a mostly sane non-hosebeast for a very long time.

And now all I can do is be pissed at myself for my own gullibility.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


I was catching my dad up on life the other day. His response was something to the effect of, You are not a real Basler Woman. You haven't broken his windshield yet. Basler's don't do this diplomacy crap.

So I do come by it honestly.

part 2

by the by, i'm a little upset.

and it's probably not your fault.

but there is a very good chance i will take it out on you.

so watch out.

Attn World

Fuck you.

Bang your head.

I am fighting with a dress.

I can't make the waistline work.

Occasionally, I have those Ally McBeal moments where I'm in a completely normal situation and I imagine something vivid and usually violent. Like today, there was a fist fight in my brain. No details, but I didn't win the fight. But my opponent got the shit kicked out of them. So I'll be working on my right hook and trying to keep the heinous anxiety dreams at bay, all while I fight to the death with my newest sewing project and get a new job.


to quote Shute, "Use a wooden stake just to be sure."


summation: I thought we were all adults around here. There is elevator music in Erin land.

Number 3

when we got back form octoberfest, Shute's car had been towed. Through a strange series of events, we eventually ended up at the tow place. One guy had to bring shute to the atm, which left me witht eh burly one for about 30 minutes discussing the finer points of how to tell if a license is fake (which I had learned at cheerleaders shortly before my surgery). Before leaving, the second tow truck driver suggested I bring the car forward. There was one quip about my blatant intoxication.

how does one have 23 1/2 hour towing?

proof that, once upon a time, i was smart and knew what i was talking about.

THe ERin School for better writing:
Don't proceed to do it, just do it.

Due to the fact that can be substituted with because.

Immensely is spelled as such, not emencially.

Nor does not have an apostrophe in it, nor did it ever.

If the set me and blank is the subject of the verb, it is blank and I, and if it is the direct object it is blank and me.

Some passive verbs just don't make sense. I.E."There is a lot of anger that has
formed inside me towards the situation."

Using the above example, that is not necessary in many sentences. It just sounds
bad.

Try to avoid subjecting you loved ones to the crappy poetry you think is a great
metaphor for life. Avoid this especially if the meaning of metaphor isn't as
good as you think.

If you're addressing someone directly, it is customary to separate the name from the
rest of the sentence with commas.

NO one wants long drawn out tales of your tragic life that is only tragic because you are an idiot and do things that are self destructive.

********

Thank you Matthew and your need to bring up past hosebeastness. But in all fairnes, that girl deserves to be shot....

for more erin fun...

Nothing really rocks, nothing really rolls, and nothing ever worth the cost.

And coming out of bad week #542...


top 5 Worse weeks than the last one:

5. Aug 15-22 99 (the first time I got threatened at knifepoint)
4. Aug 11-18 05 (It's referenced previously)
3. mid march 98 (hello, therapy)
2. Feb 23-Mar 1 04 (what are they going to do, fire me?)
1. Feb 4-11 05 (3 er trips)


I wish I were in a 12 step so I could go through that step that's all about making amends. But I don't want it for the right reasons. I want it in the kick in the teeth way.

I am however not as vindictive as people assume. I'm a very leave it and go girl. And, man does that word vindictive get tossed around incorrectly. Vindictive is lighting your shit on fire while moving out. Vindictive is fucking your brother and mailing you a tape. Neither of which I'd do. I'm slightly more same than that.


and in other news: my computer is broken and there is a fair chance I will get fired or quit my job by the end of the week. All I want is a job that uses my skills. Employers should like girls with skills...