time with Stewart is time well spent. We have an amazing time and he makes me pretty happy. Tomorrow we're going on a picnic, which according to matt is a cliche, but chute thing. This weekend we're most likely heading northward. If i get my way, I'll be keeping this one around for awhile.

on another note, it is costing one BILLION dollars to fix my breaks and some other nonesense. Which blows, because i am still not working. But I've been occupying myself.

So, if you want to make plans, call.

Quiet, reserved dom ISO aggressive boisterous sub.

There's a funny thing about finding the very bottom; up is the only way. And here I am, and up is where I'm going.

I'm also constantly amazed at the rhythm of my life and how uncanny timing can be. And why don't people ever say things are canny?

I've been hanging out with Stewart a lot. I enjoy his company a lot. We are "undefined," which is now the running joke. My mother has actually back off the calling me a hussey without actually saying it. I am getting used to the pets in his house.

so, Top 5 "I don't want to talk about" Stories:

5. Janine Fight #1.5
4. 7-10, 2005
3. March 3rd, 2006
2. Ben Wood.
1. Early Life.

You are now entering the scary door

Firstly, RIP a great series of entertaining men (and one vag. This is what happens when I peace out for a little while. I don't get the memo. And I shed a small tear.

Secondly, everyone breathe a sigh of relief. I'm over it. You know what that means. And if you don't, how did you get here to begin with? The final phase of over it was completed this afternoon. Everything is gone to a place where I can't get at it and nor would I want to.

Finally, I am going to dinner with Stu tomorrow. I'm so excited for asparagus chicken. I'm doing a little happy dance in my chair right now.

Top 5 ringers I want on my phone:

5. Road to nowhere
4. Playa's Anthem
3. This Way
2. The Workout Plan
1. The Tim Gunn Song

Runner up: Are you Drinking With me Jesus.

This is what alcoholics call a moment of clarity.

I drove west this afternoon. And considering the ridiculous bullshit I am putting myself through, I had a little chuckle. I was thinking about James Joyce, Dubliners in particular and the hours I spent reading that book with the map of Ye Olde Dublin to try and second guess whether or not the boy was going to have a fruitful experience (in most modern literature going west is a symbol of prosperity and new beginnings blah blah blah.)

I was also driving into the sunset, another image I treasure--mostly because of my tendency to permanently peace out at will. All circumstances in my overfilled brain, combined with the squinting from my light sensitivity and the afternoon sun and rediscovery of the songs Dixie Chicken and Long Long Time, sent me on one of those classic Erin, "I was thinking while I was in the car today" jags.

And here it is:

Nature, Nurture, experience, and History have combined to make me what I am--Fucked up. And there are a lot of people to thank for that. Too many to count or realize. And now I'm becoming something I hate and am trying desperately to change that path.

I swear I was a mostly sane non-hosebeast for a very long time.

And now all I can do is be pissed at myself for my own gullibility.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


I was catching my dad up on life the other day. His response was something to the effect of, You are not a real Basler Woman. You haven't broken his windshield yet. Basler's don't do this diplomacy crap.

So I do come by it honestly.

part 2

by the by, i'm a little upset.

and it's probably not your fault.

but there is a very good chance i will take it out on you.

so watch out.

Attn World

Fuck you.